WEEK 7 (July 6)

[Author's Note: [Author’s note: If this is your first time visiting the UMC blog, you might want to check out the INTRODUCTION first.]

Before we get started, there are four things that need to be mentioned. The first is that last night’s contest only had four entrants because The Clay Colton Band lost its guitar player in a fatal traffic accident. Craig Yerkes was the much-loved guitarist for the Clay Colton band, as well as for an all original local rock band called The Grams. I didn’t know Craig, but have many friends who were very close to him. They all said the same thing, that Craig was a great person and a phenomenal guitar player. We at UMC extend our condolences to his family and friends. Rest in Peace brother.

Secondly, there is some breaking UMC news. The winner of Week 6’s competition, the 80z All Stars, has dropped out. This means that the next runner up, Gin Pistons, will advance instead; so congratulations you oversized rockers! See you in the next round.

Third, filling in for Danielle LoPresti on Sunday was renowned musician and songwriter, Lisa Winston. Thanks Lisa!.

Last, I’d like to officially announce the arrival of a brand new type of conspiracy theorist. I haven’t decided what to call them yet, but it’s in regard to the band Detroit Underground.

After the show last night, a fellow named Bill approached me and asked what was up with Detroit Underground playing again this year. His point was, since they took second place last year, and won 8k, they should be ineligible for this year’s contest.

I told him that these decisions aren’t up to me, but, that I see no reason why they shouldn’t be allowed. If you can go to the World Series two years in a row – why not our little Music Challenge?

Anyway, that’s my take. What do you think?

Also, we need a name for this particular group of conspiracy theorists. I was thinking of naming them “Detroit Underground Conspiracy Theorists” (DUCT) in honor of the band which inspired it. But maybe it should be something more general, in case it comes up again, such as “Returning Finalist Conspiracy Theorists” (RFCT), or “Double Dipping Conspiracy Theorists (DDCT), or “We Hate You Because You’re Good Conspiracy Theorists” (WHYBYGCT).

And now – the moment you probably weren’t waiting for all that much since you were there last Sunday night and know damn well who won – the winner of Ultimate Music Challenge Week 7 is…

Old School. Congratulations you guitar-humping rockers!

Rising Star started the night with a smack down when, onto the stage, stepped a brother in a glittery silver sequined shirt, tight black stretch pants, and a dark black jerry curl wig and said, “I’m Rick James bitch!” Then, like a frozen rope off a slugger’s bat, they launched into, “Give it to Me, Baby,” with the Rick James character strutting around the stage like the real deal.

He had some pitch problems, but they were totally forgivable when he hit those classic Rick James’ vocal yelps and eructations. He was just too fun to care about a pitchy squeak or squawk here and there.

After “Give it to Me, Baby,” the horn players ran off stage leaving the remainder of the band to play “Super Freak,” which then segued into MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This,” (which heavily samples “Super Freak”). At this point the horn players (sans horns), dressed in baggy Hammer pants, returned to the stage and danced the Hammer dance while one of them sang lead vocals.

It was bitchin’

Then a young woman walked on stage and sang “Family Affair.” Her vocals were tentative at first, but she warmed up rather nicely and finished powerfully and cleanly.

Following that, a guy in a Michael Jackson wig did MJ’s “Don’t Stop (till you get enough)” which was funny to watch but disturbing to hear. This might have been the low point in the set, despite the intentional hilarity. No matter though because after that, they stepped it up vocally and musically, hitting all the harmonies, lighting up the room with their charisma and knocking an inside-the-park homerun.

What I liked best about this band, besides thecostumes and character portrayals was how different singers come on stage at different times to sing different songs. It was just an exciting way to conduct a performance and the audience seemed to thoroughly appreciate the zeal they exhibited on the stage. During my comments I told them, “You were more fun than you were good, but you were pretty darn good too.”

Next was a three-piece band called, um… The Red Muffs. These guys were very good. Like Rising Star, they had a rough start vocally as they weren’t quite projecting their voices. But then they got into it, started belting out the songs, and killed the second part of their set. They were exceptionally talented musically and, with only three pieces and no computers — man they filled out the sound. Kudos to the drummer who was awesome. His pops and stomps and fills and spills were idyllic. Sometimes I found myself listening to only him to figure what the hell he was doing to make it sound so good.

At one point, a cymbal kept falling off its stand. When Casey (Stage Manager of the Gods) ran on stage and put it back, the cymbal fell off again. I told my wife, “He’s hitting that kit so hard, the cymbals are trying to escape!”

The, um… Red Muff’s set list was rocktacular. They started with “Midnight Rider,” by the Allman Brothers, then Sublime’s “Date Rape,” “Don’t Fear the Reaper” (Blue Oyster Cult), “Take it Easy” (Eagles), “Folsom Prison Blues” (Johnny Cash), and a little bit of “Highway to Hell” (AC/DC) before their time ran out.

The stab at AC/DC might’ve been a mistake. The thing was like a train wreck, a really awful one, during rush hour, when the train was full of people, and none of them died; they were all just critically injured and howling in agony waiting for the emergency crews to arrive. Still, I didn’t hold that against them much. I think they were trying to be quirky and funny. Rather, it was their early vocal issues that cost them.

I bet when they play in front of their crowd, at some local dive club, they just crush it. But with 20 minutes to belt it out, you just don’t have time to warm into it. I know it’s extremely difficult to do, but you have to hit the stage running if you want to move to the next round. In summary, I’d say they hit a double and stretched it to a triple.

Props out boys.

During the judges’ comments I asked, “What possessed you to play “Date Rape”?

Don’t get me wrong, I liked it. It’s a great song and they played it well, but it was a ballsy selection. After all, this is the DreamCatcher Lounge we’re talking about and not the Whiskey. It’s not the most politically correct tune either. Sure, its lyrics are anti date rape, but much of the song is from the perspective of the date rapist so the casual listener might think the, um, Red Muffs were singing about the joys of Roofie spiking.

Then there were parts of the song where the music breaks down and the offensive (to some) lyrics were just left standing out there alone, and stark.

“Come on babe it’s your lucky day.
Shut your mouth, were gonna do it my way
Come on baby don’t be afraid,

[Music comes to abrupt stop]

If it wasn’t for date rape then I’d never get laid.”

Later in the song, when the rapist is busted and goes to jail, they break it down again.

“But that’s the way it had to beThey locked him up and threw away the key
Well, I can’t take pity on men of his kind,

[Music stops]

“Even though he now takes it in the behind.”

It was that last line that made me think, “Ewww, I think he’s gonna lose this crowd. Indeed, there weren’t very many friendly, smiling faces at that point – except mine of course, but then, I hang out in dive bars.

Next up was The Sharpe Shooters. They were terrible. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be mean. They seemed like such nice guys, and took some harsh criticism fairly well. I felt bad saying what I had to say but they were just bad. Dare I say, the worst so far?

Their songs just dragged on and on, their tempo was sluggish, and they exhibited almost zero energy. I can’t say what the level of excitement was in their heads, but from the judges’ perspective, it seemed like they were totally bored and disinterested.

Also, they used a sequencer, which is permissable, but they applied it poorly. For one thing, you really shouldn’t put the laptop and sequencer unit at front and center stage where everyone can watch as you point and click your way through the set. It took the singer way too much time to launch each song. A piece of advice for upcoming bands: If you’re using sequencers, program each song to fire right after the other. And put the damn thing in the back somewhere. Rock songs are supposed to start with the drummer clacking his sticks together, not a computer nerd clicking his mouse.

To continue the baseball metaphor, I’d say they struck out looking.

For the judges’ comments, Jaime Valle said, (paraphrased)

“Sequencers are like musical dildos. They have their uses, but not like the real thing. You relied on it too much.”

So, at this point it was starting to look like Rising Star had it in the bag. Then onto the stage stepped Old School. These guys knew how to hit the stage running. From the first few notes of “Summer of ‘69,” it was as if they had already been up there for an hour and were on peak. Next they did Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “Aeroplane,” Tim McGraw’s “Live Like you are Dying,” Soft Cell’s “Tainted Love,” and Van Halen’s “Panama.”

With the exception of “Tainted Love,” I didn’t much care for the song selection. But they rocked them out regardless, which might give you an idea about their skills. When a band can take songs that you don’t like, and make you think, “Hey, that song rocks!”; that’s the mark of a great band.

Here’s another mark of a great band. They were so good, I forgot to take pictures. Sorry guys. Because I feel bad about that, I’ve posted a photo of one of the mud wrestler contenders at the last Modern Drunkard Magazine Convention in Las Vegas. (Note the, um, mudflaps). You can thank me later.

My only complaint about Old School was regarding the Scott Stapp-ian posing by the front man.

During the comments phase, I told the singer/guitarist, “I don’t really go for that sexy singer, hip-writhing, guitar-humpfest thing you had going, but then I’m a guy and immune to that sort of thing, so I won’t mark it against you. Also, I’m really not much of a fan of the songs you sang but I won’t hold that against you either, because you rocked that set and that’s what matters.”

In short, they hit it out of the park.

Incidentally, on their MySpace page it says, “We play rock, classic rock and Dutch pop.”

Kudos to Old School for not playing any Dutch Pop. If I hear one more love song about Helga the Warrior Princess, I’ll go nuts.

Kudos also for resisting the temptation to spell your band name, “Old Skool.” Good God! Isn’t it annoying when bands misspell their names for no other reason than because they think it’s cool?*

Bands like Motley Crue, (what the hell is a crue?), Geto Boys, Linkin Park (did they think the actual park was going to sue?), Staind, Limp Bizkit, Korn (wouldn’t it have been more punk rock if they had spelled it “Corn”?), and the worst band name spelling of all time…

Boyz II Men.

For crying out loud, why not just call yourselves “Wee Cant Spel and Play Krap Musik” and call it a day.

So thanks Old School; thanks for sparing me this particular pet headache. And Good luck in the next round. I tell you right now, from the looks of things, the semis are gonna be “knock down, drag out, stomp on your face” delicious. I can’t wait.

Edwyn Dekker
Judge #3
www.edwyndekker.com

*The Sharpe Shooters are exempted from this criticism because their founder’s name is Daryl Sharpe